Monday, November 29, 2010

A few better days

The MRI found a  crack in Stephanie's Tibia.  This crack is causing pain.   Because of the cancer surrounding it.  It will not heal.  Add to that the Radiation treatments.

What we know........... life is to be enjoyed.......everyday.  

We have all heard the stories.  People explaining how they see life differently once something dramatic happens to them.  Well I am telling the story now.  

My wrist carries a yellow plastic bracelet.  It states my support for Cancer Research.   Just a few months ago I didn't  have much interest in Cancer.

Statistics showed prostate cancer would visit my life in later years.  But that would be thirty years from now.

Today Stephanie has cancer.  It still seems so not real.  Needs of life still exist.  Jensen still needs his mom.  The girls still need rides to friends homes, and the barn to ride horses.  Malcolm and Laura are giving us our second grandbaby.  Wyatt is loving BYU.

Stephanie still has cancer.   We are enjoying life.  

P.S.  Thanks again to all who have emailed and posted such wonderful messages.  It brings both Stephanie and I so much heartfelt piece.  So many have also texted such thoughtful concern.  Please let me know of anything I can do for you.  Sincerely

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

'It Really Hurts'

'It Really hurts and I don't know what to do'

I am in a meeting and Stephanie's call tells me I need to get home.  Once there its clear I need to get her to the ER for another IV to control the pain.   Radiation treatments start in the morning.   We can't help but feel anxious.

Wednesday  a very painful challenging day.  

We arrive at Huntsman for our 930am radiation appointment.  Because of the severe pain the radiation is canceled and stephanie is admitted.   

Its now 8:35pm as I find a moment to write.  The breakthrough pain for Stephanie is still serious.

 I can't help but feel, we have been cheated.  

Stephanie is here 40 years to soon.

I don't know what to do.

So many things to write........I can't do it today.    

Friday, November 5, 2010


This post is the 6th of 6 


'Jensen the Doctor told  us why mommy has been hurting so bad..............  She has cancer'

"OH  I thought it was going to be something REALLY bad!" he said

Stephanie and I have spent the day at the Huntsman Cancer institute.   This was the day to get results from the full body PET scan.

What they found:

Hot lymph nodes under each arm,  One in the neck (right side) and two different areas on both sides of the groin.

And of course, where it all started?  In the knee and Tibia.

What do we do?


The first communication indicated the need for chemotherapy.  Stephanie would loose her hair.  Once the doctors charted the 'finds'  we could the have then "statistics"

The better news


It was determined that the hot spots would be closely watched.  It was also suggested that in 90 days a less invasive CT scan would be run to follow any growth of the Lymph Nodes found by the PET scan.   Any growth would induce more aggressive treatment.  No chemo for now :)

Radiation treatment

Stephanie's knee and Tibia will receive direct radiation over two weeks.

The fact that Stephanie has cancer is so frustrating for both of us. The challenge of physical pain side effects, scare us.  The reality of a treatment is wonderful.

We will take it!

Stephanie will have this lymphoma cancer for the rest of her life.  Doctors visits will become something we get use to.   25 days ago ours lives had no Cancer.

Today we accept our future.

The blog.  Just under 1500 people have visited this simple  blog in 15 days.  Friends from France, England, Mexico, Australia,  Indonesia, and the US.  I have learned that sincere heartfelt concern carried us through the shock of our situation.  While we settle into our new reality we can't help but feel so fortunate to have positive thoughts  and prayers from so many.

We love you.

I will always remember the optimism..................of a 10 year old boy.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

'Lets play a game'

This post is the 5th of  6

'Lets play a game'

Stephanie says

We are both home alone.  Its halloween.  Both Bria and Anna along with Jensen are with friends.  We are sitting together in a comfortable chair for one.  

'Ok what are we playing'    I ask

Stephanie is holding two pieces of paper and a pencil

'We will both write on these piece's of paper.  We will guess where the cancer is in my body.  It can't include where they have already found it.   We won't show each other our answers until after the PET scan'

She wants to put each paper in a envolope and seal it.  

'Once we find out we will open the envelopes and see who win's'    She says

In my mind 'I am stunned'  not revealing  my emotions (I feel like crying and I don't want her to know)

Working hard to control my voice I tell her I can't play.  

We sit in the chair made for one,  and hold each other.  All the while the doorbell keeps ringing

'trick or treat'

Stephanie wants to hand out the candy.  I stay in the chair.  As I watch her,  I tell myself how lucky I am.  She is so beautiful.  With a big fake spider in her hair she is laughing and giggling as the kids come to the door.